Better

I am not currently under my desk sobbing, so today went better than it might have. In fact, it went pretty darn well considering the potential for awkwardness/meanness. It was still fairly awkward, but things went well, and I think I did OK in a pastoral sense. "The Issue" has a tendency to spawn parking lot conversations and seemingly ordinary things turned into huge issues, so I suppose there is always the chance that something will come up later to cause problems, but for now I'm celebrating the fact that nothing went horribly wrong today. And that there's chocolate in my office. I take my celebrations where I can find them.

Sigh

So, I did pretty well at holding the annoyance at bay yesterday, especially considering it was my day off and I kept having to deal with stuff I shouldn't have had to deal with. Most of it was out of my hands, so I took care of what I could and tried to let the rest go. I think I did a fairly good job of the letting go part. Then I get to church this morning and the first hour was one thing after another, all dealing with "The Issue" and most seeming to imply that I'm incompetent. It's frustrating and I've moved on from annoyed to PO'd, which I'm working on calming down. I think I'm on top of the situation, but we'll see how the day progresses. And tomorrow is the day that could either go really well or could find me crying in my office, possibly hiding under my desk. Should be interesting. To complicate things further, I slipped on the ice and fell in the parking lot yesterday. I have a lovely bruise on my thigh, another on my calf, a family of them on my knee, and I'm stiff and sore all over. It could have been worse, and I'm grateful I didn't break anything. Must have been the day for it, though, because both the 5 year old and the 8 year old niece slipped and fell yesterday as well. Ah, winter.

Annoyed

Today I'm feeling slightly annoyed. It's a very long and convoluted story involving personnel issues, family/church dynamics, emotional manipulation, other pastors, church building use, scheduling, personalities, and vacations all topped off by my whoppingly fabulous cold. And really, I think it's the cold that's making this feel more annoying than it actually is. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely annoying aspects, but most of it is out of my control at this point, so being annoyed doesn't really help. Which is what I keep reminding myself, and it's helping. I will do what I can, try not be too annoyed with the stuff I can't control, and hopefully make it through the week without too much conflict. In good news, my voice is a bit better today. In great news, I didn't wake up until 10:50 this morning. I can't remember the last time I slept that late. I feel slightly decadent. Must have needed it, but it's weird, because the day's already half over and I've only had 1 cup of coffee and no breakfast.

Today went fairly well considering I had no voice. I sounded terrible and I felt worse, but the morning went OK. Thank goodness for assisting ministers who were willing to step in and take over parts of the service so I didn't have to talk as much. I can't imagine the sermon was much fun to listen to, but I got through it both times with a minimum of coughing. Confirmation was also interesting. I wasn't sure how the inter-generational stuff might go, but it went fairly well, and I made them do some of the talking (thanks to everyone who gave suggestions). I think it would have been easier to plan, but the current Confirmation topic is the Theology of the Cross. It's not the easiest subject to explain, and I have no idea how much they retained. I'm looking forward to worship notes the next couple of weeks to see what kind of insights they have. Now here's hoping this cold departs and my voice comes back.

Today

The last couple of posts have been looking ahead and looking back, which is appropriate for the New Year. I'm not feeling that introspective today, so here are some random thoughts on a Saturday morning:

• It's back to being cold. Yesterday it hit almost 40 and rained. Today it's 9, but the sun is shining!
• I watched the movie Labyrinth last night. I remember watching it as a kid and thinking it was scary. This time I was mostly frightened by David Bowie's wardrobe.
• Lovely MT winters dry out my skin. It's so dry right now, despite the application of moisturizers, that I think I could sand things with my face. Woodwork, anyone?
• I have a cold. I feel fine, mostly, but my voice is going. Again. Another Sunday where I'm going to sound either like an adolescent boy going through puberty or someone who has a 900 number on the side... And SP is gone, so I'm preaching, presiding, and teaching Adult Forum/Confirmation.

And now back to the sermon. I had a friend recently tell me that she thinks it's funny how I "procrastinate God." Sheesh, when you put it like that...

Friday Five--New Year

As we look back we may come to understand how God has worked in and through us in joy and sadness. how we have grown against what may seem impossible odds. As we look forward we may do so with expectation, and we may do so with fear and trembling. As we look back and forward in New Years liminality I offer you this simple yet I hope profound Friday Five in two parts:

First list five things that you remember/ treasure from 2008

1. Niece time

2. My ordination and the ordinations of 2 dear friends

3. Starting my first call

4. Fabulous trip to New York to spend time with my aunt

5. Celebrating/mourning/walking with so many friends through so many different things happening in their lives during this year.

Bonus: Yurt!!

Then list five things that you are looking forward to in 2009

1. Completing my first year of ministry, and hopefully benefiting from having some history in this place

2. Graduation from high school of a dear young woman (although this one also makes me feel old since I used to babysit her)

3. The completion of my brother's house project/saga

4. Spending time with family and friends

5. Births of several babies (friends' babies, not mine!)

New Year's Day

I wasn't even sure I would make it to midnight last night, but it turns out I didn't go to sleep until 3:00 am. I can't even remember the last time I was awake that late. I spent the evening with parishioners, and had a lovely time. We played rockband with the kids and everyone found it extremely funny when they had the pastor sing Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation." It was pretty funny, actually. The more times I sang how I didn't give a damn about my bad reputation the more I giggled. We also played 2 games of trivial pursuit. My team won one and lost one. That's actually the reason for the late night, as the 2nd game seemed to take forever, so it was after 2 before I got home and then I couldn't sleep. After last night and yesterday's post, though, I do have a resolution that I'm going to work hard at keeping: I need to more firmly engage the filters between my brain and my mouth. I spend a lot of time alone, so things that are fine to think or say in my own apartment aren't always so great when blurted out in public. I didn't say anything too crazy or stupid last night, but there were a couple of moments when I thought, "did I just say that out loud?" Hopefully no one was offended.